just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
