Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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