i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
