you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
