I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he just fucked me for my cheese..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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