no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
