He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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