I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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