theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
