You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
