NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
