he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
