He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
