The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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