I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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