i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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