hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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