so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is Oprah even human
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
