I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you would pick up someone in the library
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize