Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
