Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
