I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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