We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
