I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
