She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
