I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
