I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
