My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
