Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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