fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
