i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I am naked and annoyed.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
