i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
