I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
