he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
