Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
