STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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