Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We're too hungover to prance.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
