I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
