What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
