Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize