Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize