was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
