where am i from again
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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