So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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