Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
