Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
