Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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