Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
