that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
