I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
