it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
