My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
