Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
