There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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