Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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