she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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