my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
