My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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