Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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