Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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