I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
