i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
