am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
