Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Randomize
