So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
