the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
