goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
