Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
