are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
