I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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