dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
should my penis look like a turkey
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize